LEAVING (& COMING) BACK HOME

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." Donald Miller

I grew up in a city in a province of Banten, Indonesia. It was a vibrant and relatively peaceful place. It was not as packed as Jakarta and I was surrounded by a wonderful group of people. However, having lived my life there for almost my whole life, I got tired of the routines and responsibilities that tied me to the place. People from other parts of Indonesia migrated to the city and new neighbourhoods, parks and malls were built to accommodate the sudden population increase during that time, but I struggled to understand why they wanted to settle there. I considered the town unchanging and unremarkable. I always set my sights elsewhere and all I ever wanted was to leave.

When I finally left the that town, and Indonesia for that matter, I'd always hoped for the country I would be living in for the next four years to be a cultured place. I remember writing down all the places I planned on visiting when I arrived at Seoul. I remember going on google search to find jazz clubs, museums, vintage shops I promised myself I would go to. But it turned out that balancing school, work and social life wasn't an piece of cake. I got so busy that I actually went to almost nowhere, and when I did have the time, I usually chose not to go cause I was uncomfortable with new places (yes I still get lost sometimes). And after living here for a decent length of time, life actually became quite flat. So, I decided to take another leave. Not for a vacation, nor for an exchange program, but for a world I created inside my head. Books, internet, drawing, music, online collaborations; stuff you could do inside your room without setting a foot outside of your front door. I guess you can say that it's good for one to have dreams, ideas, and visions for the future, except that I did not really go out from there often. Korea was no longer attractive for me to live in, and the present was not really my favourite place to be.

People say traveling will change you. You will have the best experiences of your life while traveling. I have read countless articles talking about the benefits of travel, but I also have familiarised myself with the other side of the argument detailing why traveling is not really necessary even if it is an insightful experience. But you see, reading isn't the same with actually putting them advices into practices. So I decided to try this thing called travelling myself.

After a month, I began to reflect on my time spent going on these small trips every weekend. I realised that although eating a carrot cake in a cafe other than Plant Cafe in Itaewon didn't change the hectic and busy city I am living in, it is actually the simple act of setting myself out there that changed me. I noticed that although I was anxious of losing my way, I was actually able to be more alert of my surrounding. I was forced to be present and make use of all of my senses to analyse the new environment. As I let go of my books and earphones for a while, I was able to concentrate on the artworks displayed in all four museums I went to. Having meals and coffee with friends I just met in class or online forced me to really pay attention to what they are actually saying (as opposed to my tendency of relying on pattern recognition to predict a familiar person's behaviour). Getting lost together while visiting an unfamiliar shooting location with a friend actually left us with a new shared memory we can laugh at together later in the future.

When I get back home, I brought with me a renewed sense of curiosity and a new perspective. Truth to be told, this place still has terrible qualities, just like every other place on earth. No place is ideal. Yet going to these small trips allowed me to see the ability of any area to work with its circumstances. There is beauty in the smallest things, it's just I've been overlooking it. The people, the buildings, the culture, the things I have learned for the past 3,5 years. And so, in regards to my unsatisfactory feelings about Korea as a place where I am living at right now, I couldn't help but the see the light shining on its previously hidden better qualities. Donald Miller is so on point when it comes to this topic, "Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." I've been missing a lot because I've not allowed myself to be present. After that month, no longer wanted to get as far away as possible from the reality. I went from always longing for the future (that has not yet come), to being able to be content where I am now. I went from thinking that it was the place and perfect situation that made the present worth living, to knowing that it is the relationships with God and the people God placed in my life that are the most important to achieving a peaceful life.

In the end, this is not my way of saying that you should all travel. I mean, some of you might feel perfectly happy being at home and that is totally fine, I honestly would still prefer to stay in my room with my blankets and book too. Yet, if I have to summarise the greatest gain I got from my experience this past 1,5 months, I would say that it is the ability to overcome the "the grass is greener somewhere else" phase and the humbleness to be content with wherever I am. And I personally, I could only learn this this through traveling.

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Picture: Stella Nikiko, Yong Kamila / Brush: Stella Nikiko / Location: A neighbourhood near Sookmyung Women's University